14 months ago today, on July 14, 2016, my dad died.
As far as I can remember, this is the first time I’ve written that anywhere.
Why did it take me this long to write that? What is different today that I want to write it? I don’t know. I haven’t really wanted to write about much of anything for a while. Well, I want to but haven’t…or maybe I just want to want to write. Why haven’t I? Is it tied to dealing with his death? I don’t know that either. I guess I suspect so.
I do know that I’m on
sabbatical spiritual renewal leave, (There is a difference, at least officially in United Methodist polity. More on that another day.) maybe that has finally given me the space and time to be ready to write that.
When my leave started I set a goal to write regularly. My initial plan was one post the first week, two the second, three posts the third week… But as my once-again-ironically-named blog shows, that didn’t happen. All the usual doubts and self recriminations set in: you put it off yesterday, you can skip today too. You’ve got nothing worthwhile to add to what has already been said by the world on Twitter. No cares what you have to say, anyway… Like that.
But screw it. I’m done with that crap. Today I face that truth that has affected me for months:
My dad is dead. I miss him.
Maybe for today at least, just sitting with that is enough.